just a simple me

i guess this'll be my final entry on this vox blog.
it has served me well enough as a platform of stress and release.
but i realise how vulnerable, narcisstic and attention seeking this has been.
people may argue they write for themselves.
how much truth does that holds.
how many ppl blog their worst thoughts online.
and if a blog serves only for the desire to portray a better/hidden/another you to ur audience or
telling your friends how you want them to feel about you, it has defeated its role as one.
even though it's meant to be a private blog for my close friends,
it has evolved to be one that ppl could easily surf.
i'm not chastising blogs.
organised blogs with themes are admirable.
as for mine, it's just a verbal diarrhea of my innermost thoughts.
honestly, why are ppl penning their thoughts online if not for validation and attention from others.
and to everyone out there, this is just my humble opinion.
you have every right to differ.

so i guess.
i'll continue my journey somewhere else.
so farewell peeps.

before i end this,
if ever he finds this blog,

i dedicate particularly this song to you.

 

 

as i was walking down the stairs @ biz, i saw only a group of indians still at their peak on the benches below.
thinking they must be some indian scholars pia-ing so hard in the wee hours of the morning.
until, i walk past them.
they're playing warcraft.
moral of story: seeing is not always believing.

only owl in the wing.
i love silence.
but sometimes,
just once in a while,
it can be be quite deafening.

shall entertain myself with crunchroll whilst waiting for my thinning hair to dry.
at the rate that my hair is dropping, i think the time taken for it to dry would have decreased right.=X
rubbishing.

i found someone who habitually have the same thought when climbing the stairs.
and two other ppl who melts when guys do that.
hoping no one does that to me now.
dangerous.

明天一個人的我依然會微笑
那怕早已沒有人記得我名字

slow progress with three gorges dam.
curse of damnable dams.
i don't like them in every possible way.
and particularly that way.
gonna park here until i finish what i plan.

looking forward to xmas deco and songs.

my sister's friends are so adorable.=D

this angmoh sitting at a table adjacent to me, had a condom falling out of his bag.
at the corner of my eye, i saw him surreptitiously pick it up, sneaking glances if i saw it.
oh man.

i am not hungry if you don't place food in front of me.

nothing much to blog of today.
because i am very behind schedule with this gek module.
~

hope xt comes back to sh.
and i'm so much happier now than during glc period.
i'll tell nyc soon.

不要再犯规。

this angmoh sitting at a table adjacent to me, had a condom falling out of his bag.
at the corner of my eye, i saw him surreptitiously pick it up, sneaking glances if i saw it.
oh man.

i am not hungry if you don't place food in front of me.

nothing much to blog of today.
because i am very behind schedule with this gek module.
~

不要再犯规。

one other reason why i was so contented yesterday;
because 我终于用心读书。
just like how i 用心跳舞 or 打球 or 听朋友说话。

and this i must applaud my mum.
not my late one.
but the one i don't often see eye to eye with.
she provided me with this enlightening phrase.
要做家务，要用心去做。
不要随随便便做。=D

无论做什么事，要专心，要认真。
不要马马虎虎，随随便便。
用心做的人果然和其他人不同。
值得欣赏。=X

even though, i may not pull up my cap this sem.
i'm glad.
because i finally pluck up the courage to try my best for something i lost my confidence in since i entered uni, or should i say hall.
to face that disappointment if i fail properly.
and that feeling of picking up myself is great.

an emotionally important song.

was looking at the latest anime series of ef a tale of memories.
it's an anime which requires us to pay attention to the fine details to understand how the story goes.
as the title suggests, it's of memories, but a different kind.
stalled memories, finite memories, which stopped forming with time.
a form of anterograde amnesia.
where you stop forming new memories,
meaning living in a transient world, where everything that happens to you only lasts for a fleeting moment before they were erased from your memory permanently.

one reason why i love studying with xt - i can always bug her to tell me about psycho.
glanced at her slides and saw cognitive dissonance.
and since i was getting bored with my heat exchangers and bfd, i probed her more of it.
cognitive dissonance. xt should have told me this long ago.
because this is what i have been experiencing and doing for the past two years.
scenerio:
an equal group of students were told to perform a very boring task, and were paid $1 and $20 to say that the task was interesting.
The classic Festinger and Carlsmith study shows that, the majority of the people who actually said that task was interesting were from the $1 group, instead of the $20 group.
because the people who were paid $1 faced insufficient justification compared to those paid $20.
so when asked to lie about the tasks, they sought to relieve the hypothetical stress by convincing themselves they were really interesting.
therefore, cognitive dissonance.

as for my case,
i used to wonder, why despite everyone telling me of his shortcomings and demerits, i still chose to open my door to only him.
is it a case of cognitive dissonance?
me trying to convince myself since i have already waited for him for a long time, and that i chose him over a what everyone said was a seemingly better guy, that cognitive dissonance takes place. and i start convincing myself, he is really a better guy for me.
but strangely he did make me want to be a better person with his merits.
a little confused now. in fact, very.
if it's really a case of cognitive dissonance, at least it is a good way to put everything down finally.
but don't think i'll make any attempt to restore that friendship again.
there's no point holding on to the rope when all he was doing was to let go.

an entry like that prob insinuate my distress. NOT.
not even a little bit, because my joy and satisfaction of concentrating the WHOLE day, absorbing knowledge like a sponge today, without a moment of snoozing, well transcend that state of mind and feeling.
looking forward to strolling down the streets of orchard with all the xmas deco and tree with my loved ones.

and it's the last year we'll be studying with our friends.
studying for exams.
despite all the complaining with unfinished revision
drowning caffeine.
bursting pimples.
growing panda rings.
believe it or not, i am actually enjoying going to the lib.
seeing my sister and friends there occasionally.
the process of gaining information and absorb knowledge.
the peace and quietness of the library.
just the feeling derived.
i don't often remember what i've heard or seen.
but i'll always remember how it feels like to have seen or heard it.
just inexplicable.
feelings are very important.
not so much of the kind of feelings you derive from the ppl around you.
but more of the things you do.
how you feel when you learn to cycle.
how you feel when you make your presentation to a large audience.
how you feel when you run the longest run in your life.
how you feel when you wanted to give up and how you keep telling yourself to push on.
how you feel when you did your best performance on stage.
how you defend your opponent properly.
or pitch the ball, swing the bat, catch the ball, grip the racket, use the right muscle in your legs to dance.
everything is about feeling,
all these feelings form a substantial part of us, and to be able to execute the activities properly or more beautifully the next time, we must remember the feeling we derive then.

so we should treasure our last year in school.
yeah, i am disgusting.
humans are, generally.
we learn to appreciate what we have around us, only when we realize it'll soon be taken away from us with time.

quite a penny of my thoughts tonight.
no more hana kimi, i guess.

something light:
~chi0 tried to fake me with what he claim to be an exciting feature of his ipod, to no avail.
because i have posted the two songs from youtube here.=x
but will get the mp3 from him.

something i've been seeing these days.
MCP.
no, not quite a male chauvinist pig.
just a beautiful product of flow rate and heat capacity. =X

current on repeat.
from "Secret"

was chatting with d0n about miscellaneous stuff, mainly exchange.
seems like it's a topic we cannot never grew sick of.
strayed to our childhood.
he was saying how he was one of those kids brought up in front of the tv.
i could relate to what he was saying,
because i grew up playing with lego, transformers, power rangers, wrestling, sega games like street fighters etc.
until he spoke of carebears, gummybears etc.
i have totally no idea how carebears and gummybears behave, or their cartoons.
have my first barbie doll which resides high up in my storeroom in year 1 buaya week.
and i realise i have no soft toys when i was young, when i was trying to give examples of what i used to have.
i only learn how people can derive comfort from soft toys in uk from fll.
that's how m0le enters my world.
i love pigs only in jc i think.
remember how i always wished i have a pollypocket toy though,
because i saw how my cousins play with their mightymax one.=[
but my interest faded away slowly.

i love musical boxes too, but never have one, because they are usually not the kind of things you buy for yourself.
just nice to look at.
but if there's one that plays canon, then i'll consider.:)

the zara 100% silk greyish printed butterfly-shaped top is sosososo tantalising.
it costs $90. =/

always believe in 3 chances.
just like how softball usually have 3 strikes, instead of 5 or 2.
the first time, at my aunt's place.
second time, today.
one last time, i will not ask again.
esp when i dun usually like to ask ppl to acc me.
take it with a pinch of salt.

a marvelous quote from jk.
time is not designed for our comfort but for our struggle, for in struggle there is growth.
very true and applicable for me.
something i am guilty about.
because i've only 2 examinable modules this sem.
and i should make use of my time to study, instead of going town or movie tml.
but since it was a promise, i'll make it snappy and mug after movie.
active studying, not passive mugging.
sometimes i am just lazy to try to process info and think.
need to actively tell myself to evaluate and think to the best i could.
still learning.

xt said i have a tendency to talk to myself.
fll too.
veron too.
j0yce too.
oh dear, and i am totally oblivious of it!
must be enjoying my own company too much.

argh!! my room is littered with hair and ants!!
*jumps*

little nottie and boy is on maple craze.
trying out my maple account.
feel like playing again.
maybe after my papers or someting. see how. =P